I am one of the few black CEO’s living in the North East. I’ve been here over 30 years now and couldn’t really imagine myself living anywhere else. I’m originally from London, a council house resident along with my mum and three older sisters. Where I’m from is nothing like what it used to be when I lived there and it’s a while since I’ve been back.
The Impact of a Father's Absence
My dad came over to the UK from Barbados during the Windrush. Brought up in a strict West Indian household, coming to the UK gave him a sense of “Free at last…only for different reasons.” His freedom led to our family breakdown. I don’t need to go into details but when he left the family home, my mother, sisters and me were added to a UK statistic we hadn’t signed up for. The impact on my life as a young boy meant that academically I struggled, financially, my mum had to put us all on free school meals, got in trouble with the law at age 10 and didn’t handle rejection well at all. I would say, the absence of my dad left me with a loss of identity and a desperation to be understood and accepted.
2.5 million children in the UK have no father figure at home (The Lost Boys Report - Centre for Social Justice)
A Close Call That Could Have Ended Differently
When I was younger, I remember walking through Thornton Heath, not far from Selhurst Park (Crystal Palace’s Ground). I was walking with some friends and we were laughing together. The next thing I know, my friend says that a guy who walked by us was coming back and he had a knife. That same guy caught up with me and stood in front of me tapping a kitchen knife in his hand. “Were you laughing at me.” He asked. I told him no and that I was just laughing with my friends. He looked me up and down and then walked away. That was years ago but I’m convinced if that happened today, my grown children would be without a dad.
"What would have happened if maybe another male took him by the hand and maybe invested in him and mentored him?” Rev. Larbi
Knife Crime: A Growing Epidemic
Rev. Larbi, is the cousin of Elianne Andam who was stabbed outside a bus stop in Croydon in 2023. Something in society has gone chronically wrong, however it’s a problem that’s been around for ages, just not to the same degree. I remember being at a dance hall in the 80’s and someone I knew got stabbed - I couldn’t believe it - why would anyone bring a knife to a dance hall???” Potentially someone who felt the only way to handle disrespect was to threaten life physically. Surely there was another way -
Beyond Youth Clubs: The Role of Father Figures
I’ve heard people talk about the lack of youth clubs and things for young people to do. Only, we had youth clubs and parks and parties that we could go to, boys clubs etc. and these issues were still in existence. Can I suggest, that the issue is not a lack of provision alone. As amazing as my mother was, my firm belief is that anyone can be a parent but it takes a dad to father a son.
A study published in PubMed examined longitudinal relationships between fathers' involvement and child socioemotional behavior in the UK. The findings suggest that fathers' active participation in their children's lives is associated with improved socioemotional outcomes, highlighting the unique and crucial role fathers play beyond mere biological parenthood. (Fathers' Involvement: Correlates and Consequences for Child Socioemotional Behavior in the United Kingdom https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28503014/)
Mentorship: A Radical Solution to a Systemic Problem?
Earlier, I used the question from Rev. Larbi. “What would have happened if…?” Fathers for a whole host of reasons are absent from their sons lives. At the risk of an incomplete list, I’m not going to make out like I know why all of those scenarios occur. However, it is a systemic problem with which I’m sure most would concur and therefore, I would like to pose a question. What would it look like for every boy in secondary education to be assigned a positive male mentor?
"There are many Hassans just walking around [Croydon]. Young boys who are angry, young boys who are lost, young boys that want to be listened to.
"But I do believe there are great people in our community, great organisations who are in place who can really help and support these young people.” Rev Larbi.
Time for Collective Action
I believe that in order to prevent more of these heinous acts of violence and the attitudes which preface them, drastic action is required and at M10, we would be interested to have this conversation with government, charities, educationalists and businesses, who are willing to come together to help enact change.
To learn more about how you can get involved in this conversation or even join our mentors programme called The Boys' Network
